DRUNK READERS' SERVICES
This is a section to assist drunk readers. The following is a ready-prepared standard letter which you can cut and paste, delete as appropriate and fill in the blanks, then send to the last person you upset due to your bad behaviour whilst drunk.
For those of you who haven't behaved in this way whilst drunk, it is only a matter of time. Take a copy of this letter so you are well prepared
Copy and paste the following letter, fill in the blanks and delete as necessary. Perhaps you know someone that could do with a copy – please forward a link to them as soon as possible
Dear ______________________ (insert name of person you need to apologise to)
Thank you for inviting me to your wedding/party/house/for dinner (delete as necessary on ___________________________ (insert date of incident).
Unfortunately I think I may have: (delete one or more as necessary)
caused an argument/said something very rude/did something extremely undignified/broke something very dear to you/fell over and exposed my bare arse/
tried to get off with your partner/vomited on your lawn/thought it funny to roll a newspaper into a cone, stick it up my bum and set it on fire -
OR (if none of the above suffices fill in a brief description of your behaviour which might have caused dismay here):
___________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________
I cannot tell you how sorry I am for my actions and feel the need to assure you that, should you ever invite me again to celebrate or partake in any future event, I promise that I will not repeat my offence/s (delete if necessary). I want you to know that when I woke this morning and recalled what I could of the incidents last night I blushed deeply and was full of remorse. I am utterly and truly ashamed. If I could travel back in time I would do and I would take back/mend the insults I gave/arguments I caused/precious irreplaceable objects I broke (delete as necessary)
I have no excuse for the way I acted but in mitigation I offer the negative effects of the alcoholic beverages you most kindly supplied.
I sincerely hope that this affair will not cause a rift between us so large it cannot be mended and that we can remain friends. I hope to see you when I return from my justified period in exile.
Yours in supplication
________________________________ (sign your name)