COMEDY 4 KIDS

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by Katy Coxall

There once was a girl called Alice who
One day, (quite unexpectedly),
Did the world's biggest poo.

“That isn't a problem” you might say
“as any good toilet would flush it away”.
But you'd be wrong.

You see, the girl called Alice who did the poo
didn't do it in the toilet
but used her mother's shoe.

“But that's no problem” you're saying still
“Just take the smelly footwear and leave it up a hill”
But you're wrong . . . again.

Aren't adults stupid?

The poo in the shoe that Alice did do
went unnoticed by you know who.
She put it on and, although still warm,
Her Mother accepted it as the norm.

“That's not a problem either” you may conclude
“even though the poem is very rude”.
In which case:
Don't blame me I didn't do it
Blame Alice - she's the one who didn't use the toilit!

Alice Does It Again!
by Katy Coxall

Remember the girl called Alice who
Quite unexpectedly did the world’s biggest poo?
Well, this Monday, at half past three
Alice produced the world’s greatest pee!

I know you’re saying “it cannot be true
How could one person do the world’s greatest poo
And then within two years surpass all her peers
With the world’s greatest wee?”

I said exactly the same and decided to
Check out her claim.
I interviewed her very proud mother
In a scientific aim to discover the truth about Alice who
As you know, holds the official record for the world’s largest poo.

“When did Alice do the world’s greatest pee?”
“I remember quite clearly it was half past three”
“And when precisely did she finish this greatest urination?”
“You what?” – “I mean the world’s biggest wee”
“That was also at half past three . . . the following day”

“You mean to say she peed for twenty four hours?”
I asked her mother who was arranging some flowers
“Don’t be ridiculous” she said
“Twelve hours peeing is still very good”

I had to agree, it only takes me a minute to pee.
I’m quite quick at pooing too but I digress
This poem is about Alice and I must stress
All facts and figures quoted above
Have been researched and verified by me, with love.

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Two poems inspired by Roald Dahl

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